The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
