I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
