There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
