Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
