I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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