do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
