One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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