Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
