I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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