just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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