I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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