there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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