I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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