I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
