So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
