I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
