Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize