I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
