We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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