I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
