it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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