no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You made out with two different species that night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
