Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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