you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
