Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My vagina is very pro this idea
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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