My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
