On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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