Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
