Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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