My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize