The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All the doctor said was why
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
