Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
