nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
