Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize