Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
