It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i've created a new STD.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
