i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
