I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
