you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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