So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
