I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
