She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
not ubering you a puppy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
