I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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