i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
