Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
