dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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