I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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