sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
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Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
sex in a hospital.. check
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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