this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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