dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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