You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize