I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
