life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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