only if we run a train.
done.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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