Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
