Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
