you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
