mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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