I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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