but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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