i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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