no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
