Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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