So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
