Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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