please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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