Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
