Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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