I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
